The Cult of Religion

Religion shames and calls it convicting

Religion shuns and calls it motivating

Religion controls and calls it mentoring

Religion brainwashes and calls it instruction

Religion heaps on guilt and calls it repentance

Religion Coerces and calls it persuasion

Religion Abuses and calls it discipline.

Religion is not Relationship.

(Author Unknown)

We were made for relationships, the foundation of which should always be LOVE.

Who would have thought that a one-word prayer could totally unhinge every area of my life in a matter of five short years? On a Wednesday night 10 years ago my one-word prayer of “More” threw my life into a tailspin that would reshape everything I thought I knew about myself, God, and those closest to me. I was in a dark place in my life, depressed, filled with anxiety, wondering what my purpose was, and totally exhausted from trying to follow the rules religion told me I had to, to be loved, accepted, and deemed worthy. 

I was desperate for the more, I had tasted what I thought was all that life had to offer and honestly, I was over it. Over the fakeness, over the pretending, over the rules, over the to-do list, and over the unrealistic expectations. I wanted more out of my life. I longed for more peace and joy and fun. Desperate for a better way I prayed for the “More,” not knowing what that even meant and never imagining that one word would set a new life into motion.

We had been attending the same church for eight years before that night and were deeply involved in several aspects of it.  The church was big on volunteering and getting involved as a way of showing your commitment to God and to them. We were active in the prayer ministry, children’s ministry, video ministry, as well as sound and lights and volunteered often in youth.  We ran small groups, volunteered twice a week, tithed heavily, and were close friends with all of the main staff members and pastors. Our entire life revolved around that church and the people in it.  To us they were not just our friends they were our family. There was nothing we would not have done for any of them.

For me church allowed me an avenue to prove to myself that I was worthy and loveable. It gave me purpose, provided me a step by step plan on how to become accepted and to finally be enough. My perfectionistic self was eagerly attracted to the religious to-do list. I wanted nothing more than to finally feel lovable, as I was carrying shame and condemnation from a prior rape. I desperately longed to prove that I was enough to myself, to God, and to the church.  My relationship with God at the time was mainly that of fear and awe.  Fear that I would somehow mess up and be cast into a fiery pit for all eternity and awe at the possibility that someone may love me that much.

My deep seeded desire to be loved and known had taken on many unhealthy forms over the years as I learned to successfully mold myself into the person Christianity told me to be. I perfected the game of earning the love and affection of others to sooth the constant, nagging of unworthiness that haunted my soul. 

Eight years ago I hit my breaking point. I was exhausted from keeping up the façade religion and our church required to be a dutiful member and Christian.  I was deeply depressed, depleted, and discouraged, not that I would ever have let anyone know it.  I was at a point in my life that I longed to be done with it. If this was as good as it got, I was done. If it wasn’t for my four children, I don’t honestly know if I would still be here today. My love for them kept me going.  I dreaded getting up each day and the effort it took to survive.  I was literally killing myself trying to earn not only God’s love and acceptance but the churches.  So, I prayed for more, with no expectation, and my world changed.

I received a tiny glimpse into what the more I was longing for could be, and my husband and I started on a journey that lay us open and bleeding on the operating table as we deconstructed our religion. As we lay there every foundation, belief, and relationship crumble and we began our journey out of religion and into spirituality.

The doctrines of original sin and eternal damnation caused the most psychological distress, by creating the ultimate double bind. You are guilty and responsible, and face eternal punishment. Yet, you have no ability to do anything about it.  These are teachings of fundamentalist Christianity; however other authoritarian religions have equally toxic doctrines like ours did.. Now more than ever we are seeing these now come to light with the recent overturning of Roe vs. Wade by a fundamentalist driven supreme court.

You must conform to the mental test of “believing” in an external, unseen source for your salvation, and maintain this state of belief until death. Although, you cannot ever stop sinning, so you must continue to confess and be forgiven, and serve and tithe, hoping that you have met the criteria . All this despite the complete lack of feedback about whether you will make it to heaven.

Salvation is really not a gift after all.

For the sincere believer, this results in an unending cycle of shame and relief. People who have not survived an authoritarian fundamentalist indoctrination do not realize what a complete mind-rape it really is. We are so thankful that we found the more and escaped the spiritual abuse so common in today’s extreme religious cults, aka Mega Churches.

Religion gives you a achievable expectations – Spirituality allows you to discover the truth.

Religion teaches you to obey – Spirituality teaches you to follow your inner voice.

Religion teaches you worthlessness-Spirituality teaches you how amazing you truly are.

Religion teaches you fear-Spirituality shows you love.