LOVE OR DESPISE?
What’s your Holiday Vibe?
Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with this season. On one hand I love the magic of it, the lights, the decorations, the reminder of positive childhood memories. On the other hand, I despise it. Why? Because as a woman the mental load of this season falls completely on me. Women are generally the ones carrying the bulk of the mental load in a family but during this season the load triples. Planning the meals, baking the cookies, decorating the house, buying the presents, preparing for guests or travel, carrying out the traditions and activities we hope will bring our family and our children joy and wonderment, and possibly ourselves if we have anything left to enjoy them with.
We woefully neglect our own self-care in the very season we need it the most. It’s no wonder because we have been taught from early on that other’s needs take precedence over our own, that our needs aren’t important or valid. That we must be the martyr if we want any hope of being worthy.
I’ve been noticing more than ever this year how men have no problem taking time for their own self-care. My husband has been a perfect example, he can be sitting next to two overflowing laundry baskets of clean clothes, playing a video game, and not be bothered in the least about it. He can be watching a sporting event and totally block out all calls for help or assistance by myself or our children without the least amount of care. Dog barking in the middle of the night, ignore it. I’m sure we could each come up with plenty of examples of how we have seen our husbands, partners, or other men unapologetically take the time they need for themselves without the least amount of guilt.
Now when is the last time you have done that, without feeling shame? As women we need to start learning from these men’s examples, we need to start letting go of this enormous mental load we have been carrying for generations. We must start unapologetically practicing regular self-care because despite what we have been taught our needs are valid. Self-care is not a luxury, it is a dire necessity and it has never been more important than during this season.
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